Tapping / EFT Meditation - The Vulnerability of Motherhood
Jan 15, 2019
I believe vulnerability
can trigger a deep routed belief of not feeling good enough
The raw vulnerability of motherhood. Not many of us prepare for that. You know you want a baby, and to be a parent. You work hard at getting pregnant (and some of us have to work a lot harder than others unfortunately), you might even experience loss along the way. You then spend 9 months growing a baby, reading about their development in utero, researching birth options and devising your ideal birth plan but you havenât had a chance to give any thought to the postnatal challenges that might arise, least alone how to prepare for them. âAfter careâ, whatâs that? âSelf-careâ, thatâs a regular face mask right?
I personally donât feel we discuss the vulnerability of becoming a mother enough. I donât feel collectively we know what to expect or prepare the support we need through the period of time we do need help. Other cultures I believe, have it a little bit more sussed than our own.
Iâve been thinking about this topic for weeks now and Iâve a few thoughts to share. Iâve followed these thoughts with a Tapping Meditation (to learn more about Tapping click here) to help really shift that mindset and hopefully help you let go of some of that raw vulnerability that is probably not helping you at the momentâŠ
Maybe your negative thoughts and emotions arenât because you canât cope as a mother, maybe it is because becoming a mother has made you feel vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is exposure to the possibility of being attacked either physically or emotionally. When vulnerable we are not at our strongest, we are weak. Post birth we are just that, weâve literally just given birth, we have new emotions, new responsibilities, our body is in a physical state of repair, our mental functionality is impaired due to stress, exhaustion, overload, overwhelm. I believe this is what triggers our postpartum anxiety. In effect, we are ârebornâ into Motherhood and the impact on us can be both beautiful and difficult - on the same day, same hour, same minute.
Exhaustion has huge impact on our physical and mental repair and capabilities. We donât feel as strong as we did before, and we desperately try to find that strength again. We reach for coffee, sugar, other stimulants, support from friends, but I believe a lot of us deep down naturally and quickly question our own capability, our bond with our baby, our mental state (which is probably playing tricks on us now), our physical ability etc.
Perhaps even that vulnerability is a trigger for a time earlier in your life where you were also vulnerable and maybe not supported enough. The vulnerability is like muscle memory and your body and mind remember it, and the times when you were vulnerable before. It doesnât even have to be that long ago. Perhaps the trials of becoming pregnant are adding to the memory of vulnerability.
Maybe you are just bloody wonderful and doing the absolute best you can, but its the act of motherhood, the stepping into a new role, the literally cracking open of you- your body - your emotions - your heart - your head - and everything that comes with motherhood that changes you forever in many ways. Many beautiful ways and many horribly vulnerable ways too. Ways in which you never thought possible. Ways in which you didnât even know would happen, because nobody told you doing this amazing thing and birthing children would be so heart breakingly painful.
It is like cracking open an egg and all the insides just pour out - theyâve nowhere to go, you donât know what to do with them. These emotions pouring out of you from god knows where deep inside, places you thought youâd lost forever. Youâd locked them away so you could get on with your life and do an amazing job being a human and becoming a mum and then bang, the egg cracks open and it all spills out and you donât know where to start. What do you do with that?
Breathe. Maybe the labour wasnât the zen water birth you had planned? Maybe it was actually really traumatic and painful? Maybe that makes you feel like a failure in some way. Even though you have a beautiful healthy baby, you might feel some disappointment you didnât get the birth youâd hoped for. All this negative emotion could make you think, âI must be a bad motherâ, âI must not be able for thisâ, âsomething must be wrong with meâ, âmaybe Iâm not bonding with my baby enoughâ, âmaybe I need to give moreââŠâŠbreathe.
Maybe all of these thoughts trigger postnatal depression, PTSD or intrusive thoughts. Potentially youâve lost sight of the essence of who you are, your confidence, your belief in your ability to learn and adapt to change, to fight your own negative thoughts. The tiredness is wearing you down and that little negative voice in your head is becoming louder and louder and youâre not strong or alert enough to tell it to âshove offâ. I believe vulnerability can trigger a deep routed belief of not feeling good enough.
No one prepared you for this did they? This raw emotion of constantly not feeling good enough. The pressure we put on ourselves to do everything better or more perfectly. The memories surfacing that weâd long buried. The ANXIETY & FEAR of things we didnât even know we were afraid of. The RESPONSIBILITY of looking after another human, my god that responsibility can be so heavy. The VULNERABILITY of recovery, not being able to do things you want to do, putting pressure on yourself anyway, not accepting help, not asking for help, feeling so aloneâŠ
Breathe. All of this has to stop. Remember you are in a job you didnât train for. This vulnerability is a culmination of all of your first days at school, and all of your first few weeks in new jobs, all coming together like a bulldozer.
We must talk about this more, to let women know that this is all totally normal, that they can get help through this and that itâs ok to ask for help. Please know that you are doing an amazing job and are a wonderful mother â no matter how bad you really think you are. This part of motherhood is so normal, yet I donât think it is understood enough, and we certainly donât speak about it enough.
Tapping Meditation
Iâve created this video to help you release some of that vulnerability (tapping starts 3 minutes in if you want to skip to it). It addresses the vulnerability, anxiety, fear, and ultimately feelings of âIâm not good enoughâ and we get to a point where we let this go, making way for more positive thoughts to reprogram our brains.
Please tap along with me, repeat the words out loud or in your head as you follow. If you feel your own words would work better for you, please use them, as mine are just guides to get you started. Maybe you can say mine first and then repeat it using some of your own words. If youâd like to receive this tapping script by email please sign up for my newsletter here.
Iâll leave you with the thought below.
I am vulnerable. I am strong.
What Next?
If you feel you need more help on the topic of Vulnerability or the belief that you are not good enough please get in touch â contact form below. Iâm working with women on the same issues and know I can help guide your healing journey.
There are some really fantastic post-natal support websites out there and here are just a few that might get you started, and please do contact your GP for further support:
postpartumstress.com/get-help-2/are-you-having-scary-thoughts/
www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/what-is-postpartum-ocd/
www.everymum.ie/experts/mental-health-expert/
If youâd like to be listed here please contact me.
Please lets start and continue the conversation about vulnerability #IamvulnerableIamstrong
